Observations placeholder
Tolstoy, Leo - Confession - Realising he does not know his destiny
Identifier
018585
Type of Spiritual Experience
Background
He also realises that what he thought had been spiritual 'progress' had been nothing of the sort.
A description of the experience
Tolstoy – Confessions
It seemed to me that involuntarily there, somewhere, there was this – someone – very amused -
watching me!
I had lived thirty or forty years learning, developing myself, growing in body and mind, and now that I was strengthened in spirit, and had arrived at the summit of life, that point, where it opens fully, I stood like an idiot on the top, clearly understanding that all of this development and effort had been pointless.
Even if there was or was not a – someone - who was making fun of me, even this did not relieve me.
I could give no reasonable meaning to any past actions of my life.
I was surprised just how I could not understand this at the beginning.