Observations placeholder

Let me introduce you briefly, to my new found golfing friend
She joined my club with nothing, so equipment I’ve her lent
She’s picked up the game quite quickly though she’d not played much before
And she’s even started talking about making it a four

Apparently she has been banned from many snooty clubs
But I’ve paid for her membership and even paid her subs
The last club she was banned from involved a sandy bunker
The captain of the men’s team and so much gin that it sunk her

I suggested that to start with she should try one of the woods
So she took me off to Windsor Park and shagged me where I stood
Well after that I decided to improve her handicap
I bared her bottom on the green and gave it a powerful tap

Her technique is rather novel and she has an unusual swing
The way she handles my equipment is a really amazing thing
She’s always very careful and she always cleans my balls
With a soft hand and soft touch that quite honestly enthralls

She bends over rather nicely when she’s putting in the tee
She’s a lovely set of nine irons that look just the thing to me
I will admit to you my friend if asked what have we done
To admit that then quite frequently I’ve had a hole in one

She took me out one summer’s eve she said to try the five iron
I came home legless, knackered and with only shoes and tie on
When she got me next to demonstrate the gentle art of putting
I put it in so many times I nearly lost my footing

We’re out there practising early on fairway and the green
With shots and play and practises that here are rarely seen
“I like it best” she said to me “when we are in the rough”
My God though she’s insatiable she’s never had enough

The other members in the club have said “of her get shot”
But faced with all their onslaughts I’ve simply said “I’m not”
The only problem I have had concerns her and the caddy
When I suggest a threesome, she just runs home to her Daddy